Whoever said that being a parent was easy must have been a husband/fiancè/boyfriend etc that slept through every single night feed and nappy change. Assholes.
I love being a mum, it really is the most rewarding, challenging, exhausting, exciting and overwhelming job IN THE WORLD! However, there are times where I feel I just can’t adult and want to go out, get white girl wasted on Mojitos and Caprioscas, come home and sleep until 3pm the next day. I am sure I COULD do that, but good luck trying to look after a baby with a massive hangover. To be honest, I have not felt the urge to do that as yet but the Mojios do sound pretty bloody good don’t they?
I have found myself lately becoming quite irritated and frustrated (more so because I’m so fricken’ tired) but everything is really getting to me. Not only are we trying to plan a wedding (well this was overseas but plans change) and a christening, but we also need to look for a house to buy. Add a lack of sleep to that and this chick has resting bitch face turning into actual bitch face.
I’ve always suffered from anxiety quite bad and have learnt to deal with it without medication but these past few weeks have really gotten to me. I’m so incredibly lucky to have such a supportive yoncè that is very patient and helps out when he can. Yes, I’ve cried. I’ve cried to the point where my eyes have been so puffy I look like I’ve had an allergic reaction to something, I’ve cried so much that I’ve stayed in the shower, sitting on the floor, for over 40 minutes (at least I saved on tissues, snot right down the drain). Now don’t get me wrong, I have the most amazing baby (apart from the shitty leaps they go through). She is really cruisy and just goes with the flow which is awesome, but those times that she can’t be settled or just won’t sleep, it hits me hard. Is it because I can’t help her? Is it because I’ve had enough? Is it because I feel like I’m failing? I don’t actually know. All I know, is that sometimes I just can’t even (insert hair flick here).
I am home with her all day and I have learnt what is best for her (and me) and we have this game plan going but at times, the game is changed and I want to be put on the bench. I know I can do this. I know I am a great mum, no wait, I am a bloody awesome mum and I can get through whatever this parenting gig throws at me.
You just have to have an amazing group of people around you to support every decision you make (regardless how shitty is may be), be there for you when you feel like you are not cut out for this parenting thing and lift you up, tell you, you are doing an amazing job as a mum and how proud they are of you. You need that. It is so important.
I AM an amazing mum.
I AM my daughter’s best friend.
I AM doing the best I can do.
I AM bloody awesome.
Krystle Bridges xx
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